What Do I Say?

As Salaam Alaikum,

Today wasn’t a good day. My aunti suffered an anxiety attacked and had to be rushed to the hospital. It was really horrible. I text messaged my husband to tell him this but unfortunantly he did not come to the hospital. This hurt me a lot.

Anyways, my aunt was checked out and she is at home right now.

I finally got in touch with my husband, after calling his friend and him putting him on the phone, and he did sound concern. I told him how the doctors wanted her to see a heart specialist, how my mother had to perform cpr on her, etc, etc. He did sound concern which was nice.

He also said, because of his friend’s minutes, that he will call me later. Now I must wait, presumably for hours, until he calls.

I wonder what exactly am I going to say?

I know that he has spoken to my mother and they supposidly had a good talk. My mother even said, “You all love eachother,” and he didn’t just nod to that, but he replied, “Yes.” He agreed that he was being harshed to him, suprising his ownself, and that it would be unfair to leave a marriage where someone is saying that they would change for them and not give that person a chance.

Unfortunantly though signs are still saying that he is leaving for out of town. I know that he has put in his notice at his job and has told his friends that he is leaving. This hurts a lot because I don’t know the exact date he is leaving, so it feels like I’ll wake up and my husband will not even be in the same state.

I still wish that he would call and tell me to go with him, or call and say that he is going to stay.

I know that my mother told him to call at the end of August and tell her what he wants to do— does he like it out there? does he want to come back home?

My mother says that now it is just “pride”. Why does one pride have to hurt another so bad?

I love my husband so much. I will change for him. I will. I really will.

I just feel like I am being treated like a child right about now because it’s never safe to call him, he always ignores my phone calls, barely reads my text messages, etc. It’s like it is all against me. On top of that he fails to see that I never called his dad to yell at him. I just called his dad for help. I was really calm in the beginning, but things got out of hand. People have called me names, but my husband has managed to forgive them.

I just hurt so bad. My soul and so much more.

I feel like running away. Going somewhere all by myself.

I hope that my husband does not call me so late like he did last time, and then give me a lame excuse of how he has to get up in the morning for work.

I hope that my husband really talks to me in the way that he talked to my mother. I hope that he puts to the side his pride and ego. I hope that he looks at me as his wife and someone he made a committment to.

I want to be raelly calm, not whine, not cry.

I want to tell him about my business adventures and how I now have all of the money to open up the company, Alhumdulilah. I want to ask how he is doing and what are his plans when he arrives to New Mexico? Where does he plan to work? I hope that he does not shut me down because of it.

I support this man with my heart. I am devoted to him. I hate that he never calls me. I hate that he doesn’t check up on me. I hate all of these things. All I do is cry.

I have really learned my lesson. I have really learned all of these lessons this past month. He has punished me severely and I understand, I truly understand, not to mess with his stuff.

God, please help me with this. I want this phone call to go smoothly. I want him to talk to me honestly. I want him to tell me that he DOES want to work it out. Please God let him be calm now. Please God let him see that I love him and that i want to change. Please God let him forgive me. Please God let him talk to me the way that I need him to talk to me. Please God let me not upset him. Please God let him give me compassion. Please God give me the strength to bear all of this pain. Please God let our marriage work out. Please God let us reconcile. Please God let him return home. Please God.

I pray so hard over us. I pray so hard.

salaam