As Salaam Alaikum,

So supposidly my husband will be leaving for New Mexico in a matter of days. I wonder what he is going to do, is he going to file for the divorce papers? I was thinking about filing them myself tomorrow but I have decided not to.

I really haven’t done anything bad to my husband, nothing worthy of my divorce.

I hate to say it but I guess that he really has a lot of growing up to do. If he is going to divorce me over— i embarass to even say it.

I know that his decision is irrational because he is leaving behind his friends as well, all to get away from me?

My uncle told me that I have to stop chasing him, crying over him, confronting him, etc. Because that is just further driving him away. So I am going to stop. He knows that if he wants to return the door is wide open.

I guess my husband just has me feeling that I am not worth missing.

Maybe I should go by myself a cat.

As Salaam Alaikum,

Today wasn’t a good day. My aunti suffered an anxiety attacked and had to be rushed to the hospital. It was really horrible. I text messaged my husband to tell him this but unfortunantly he did not come to the hospital. This hurt me a lot.

Anyways, my aunt was checked out and she is at home right now.

I finally got in touch with my husband, after calling his friend and him putting him on the phone, and he did sound concern. I told him how the doctors wanted her to see a heart specialist, how my mother had to perform cpr on her, etc, etc. He did sound concern which was nice.

He also said, because of his friend’s minutes, that he will call me later. Now I must wait, presumably for hours, until he calls.

I wonder what exactly am I going to say?

I know that he has spoken to my mother and they supposidly had a good talk. My mother even said, “You all love eachother,” and he didn’t just nod to that, but he replied, “Yes.” He agreed that he was being harshed to him, suprising his ownself, and that it would be unfair to leave a marriage where someone is saying that they would change for them and not give that person a chance.

Unfortunantly though signs are still saying that he is leaving for out of town. I know that he has put in his notice at his job and has told his friends that he is leaving. This hurts a lot because I don’t know the exact date he is leaving, so it feels like I’ll wake up and my husband will not even be in the same state.

I still wish that he would call and tell me to go with him, or call and say that he is going to stay.

I know that my mother told him to call at the end of August and tell her what he wants to do— does he like it out there? does he want to come back home?

My mother says that now it is just “pride”. Why does one pride have to hurt another so bad?

I love my husband so much. I will change for him. I will. I really will.

I just feel like I am being treated like a child right about now because it’s never safe to call him, he always ignores my phone calls, barely reads my text messages, etc. It’s like it is all against me. On top of that he fails to see that I never called his dad to yell at him. I just called his dad for help. I was really calm in the beginning, but things got out of hand. People have called me names, but my husband has managed to forgive them.

I just hurt so bad. My soul and so much more.

I feel like running away. Going somewhere all by myself.

I hope that my husband does not call me so late like he did last time, and then give me a lame excuse of how he has to get up in the morning for work.

I hope that my husband really talks to me in the way that he talked to my mother. I hope that he puts to the side his pride and ego. I hope that he looks at me as his wife and someone he made a committment to.

I want to be raelly calm, not whine, not cry.

I want to tell him about my business adventures and how I now have all of the money to open up the company, Alhumdulilah. I want to ask how he is doing and what are his plans when he arrives to New Mexico? Where does he plan to work? I hope that he does not shut me down because of it.

I support this man with my heart. I am devoted to him. I hate that he never calls me. I hate that he doesn’t check up on me. I hate all of these things. All I do is cry.

I have really learned my lesson. I have really learned all of these lessons this past month. He has punished me severely and I understand, I truly understand, not to mess with his stuff.

God, please help me with this. I want this phone call to go smoothly. I want him to talk to me honestly. I want him to tell me that he DOES want to work it out. Please God let him be calm now. Please God let him see that I love him and that i want to change. Please God let him forgive me. Please God let him talk to me the way that I need him to talk to me. Please God let me not upset him. Please God let him give me compassion. Please God give me the strength to bear all of this pain. Please God let our marriage work out. Please God let us reconcile. Please God let him return home. Please God.

I pray so hard over us. I pray so hard.

salaam

As Salaam Alaikum,

I cried so much today. So much.

I just continue to pray. If there is anything good that has come out of this it is that I have been praying a whole lot, and keeping with my salats. I just pray and pray.

I just wish my husband knew that I was on his side. Well he does know that I am on his side, but sadly he may feel that I shouldn’t be by it. What more can I say? I love him so much.

I fel that I am all alone. I wish that he would call me. I wish that he would ask me how I am doing. i wish that he would e-mail or something. I just wish that he would come home. I wish that he would.

I just cry and cry. I try to keep myself together, but I just cry. I cry all day long. I worry all day long. I just feel so bad.

I just want him to come home. I would be so happy. I would make him all of his favorite meals. We would watch all of his favorite movies. i just love my husband so much. I love him so much. I just wish that he would call.

salaam

As Salaam Alaikum,

I’m crying. I’m crying because I was just watching a show called “True Like: I’m Coming to America” and I kind of saw myself in one of the people, and that is Timothy.

Timothy is from Thailand and he is adjusting to life in the United States. He realizes when he arrives that he has to work very hard, and that going to school may not be as easy as he may have thought— he has to take care of his family, all while trying to save money for school.

What has brought me to tears though is that the very last segment on him he decided to take it upon himself to get a new job and figure out how to get school — as he felt that his caseworkers weren’t getting the job done too well.

I saw myself in him because I am pretty much the same way. I’m about trying to get things done, be dependant on myself. I remember working really hard and trying to make sure that I was doing good in school. And what hurts is that I may have lost my husband because of it. Somehow I became controling as I just tried to make sure that we were ok, had money, and were going to school. And it’s just like I’m being punished now. I didn’t mean for it to cost me my marriage. I just wanted to make sure that we were ok. I wish would have just let him buy his Yu-Gi-Oh cards like he wanted, whenever he liked. I just feel horrible.

I wish he would give me another chance, so we can work it out. I hope that he doesn’t go out of state and leave me. I am so scared.

I wish that he would return home. I love him so much. I just wish he would give me a real chance to change and just try to work it out. Get everything settled. Put time away for us, for our friends, for the things we’d like to buy.

I cry so much because I am without him. I wish that he would call me or text me. Or email me. I wish that he would ask me how I am doing.

I feel like I am really loosing him, especailly if his family is moving because maybe he feels like he has to obligate himself to them as they settle in a completely new state. I hope he returns. No one wants him to leave. My mother loves him. My family loves him. I love him.

I just continue to pray.

As Salaam Alaikum,

::sighs:: Don’t know what I am going to do today. I guess that I can work on my business. Matter of fact, I will. I’ll train my mom with the camera and laptop. It’s not too bad and I hope that it is not complicated for her.

I miss my husband so much. I miss him sooo much. He is suppose to call my mother at the end of August to tell her what he wants to do. This is pretty much torture because I would just hate for my mother to sit me down and tell me that he is never coming back. I just love him so much and he is truly my everything. It’s like everything is even more complicated now because I imagine that he feels obligated to his parents to help them move and settle cross country.

My mother talked to him yesterday about stuff and she said that he was listening. I don’t know if he was serious when he was speaking to her. I just hope that he sees how much I love him with all of my heart. I hope that he really meant it when he told her that he knew he was being harshed to me when he was saying such horrible things. I hope he didn’t mean those horrible things. I hope that he truly loves me and wants to be with me.

I just don’t want to give up on us at all. I love him so much and I know that he sees that. He has to see that. When people are upset they do stupid things, and again I was only calling his did for help. I was crying so hard in front of him that day and just begging for him to come home.

I love my husband and I just want to be a better wife and everything.

I hope he doesn’t call and tell my mother that he doesn’t want to reconcile. I hope that he doesn’t move such for a way.

I know that he has logged in his facebook, so he’s seen my comment telling him how much I love him and even my letter. Everyday I wake up hoping that he hasn’t removed me from his list of “friends” or ended our “relationship status”.

I love my husband so much and he just knows that I would do anything. I support him so much in his dreams and I will do anything I have to do to change. I love him.

My eyes are so sore from crying. I think that I have cried enough, at least my eyes are done balling out crying. I only manage a little tears. But the pain is still inside.

I managed to get through the night of sleeping! I woke up for fajr and went right back to bed.

I just pray and pray.

As Salaam Alaikum,

I am so sad to say, and know that the true reason why my husband has not returned home is because of a simple game.

Basically what I would like to say is please do not play games with your spouse, because things can happen.

I cried and I cried in front of him. I asked him to come home and be with me. I begged for his forgiveness, professed how sorry that I was. I cried and I cried. i sat on the wasground crying, and I just cried. But he continued to say that he was done and that there was no hope.

As a result I called his father. I didn’t get the answer that I looking for and as a result I lost my mind and went off on his father.

Now after speaking to two people, my husband was planning on returning home…. but that phone call, my effort to try to reach out to his family, changed things.

Now I accept my actions and know that I should not have never cursed his father out BUT those things would have never happened if he would have just been honest. NEVER would have happened.

Now all that I can do is pray that my husband thinks about all of this and weighs his options. Now he is being placed in a position where he perhaps may be moving across country with his family. And moving across country with his family, who isn’t that great financially, means obligations. So now he may feel obligated to his family.

My husband, when he moves there, will have no job and little money. He would have given up his scholarship and just so much more.

You see?

I just hope that he comes to his senses, and sees that this is really not what you end a marriage over (the reasons why we argue).

He wants to go out into the world and risk himself to another person? He wants to go through the whole process of finding an attractive, smart, and CLEAN (std-free) girl, again? He wants that?

I love my husband. I told him that I would even go out there and live with him if that is what it took.

I pray and I will continue to pray over our situation. Truly I would like for him to come home and be with me. Truly I would change my own ways just to be with him.

Please God bring my husband back home. Please God, please God. Please do not let this be the end of our marraige. Please God, please. Please I have seen what I need to do and what we should focus on God, and that is you God. Please God, please.

salaam

As Salaam Alaikum,

All that I can do is breathe.

Today I got up and went to get some tax advice from one of my mother’s friends. It was about 3 hours long and I could barely keep myself together. I was crying and stuff. She talked to me about the situation after everything was over and she was really hopeful.

I’m just very sad about the whole situation. I realize now, because of the last two days–which i will not get into, that he has just hurt my feelings. I am still hurt by him leaving, but now i am hurt because he has completly hurt my feelings in the way that he has talked to me. This hurts so much.

I wish that he would come home but I will no longer call him or email him anymore. I see that none of that is working and I feel that there is nothing that I can say. He is making plans to actually leave the state so this is just even harder. I told him that if it took me leaving the state too, then I would do it. But of course none of that mattered to him.

I am just so in shock. My relationship with him has completly collapsed. I told him that I would not ask for mediation, but I have decided that I will when he files for divorce…. but hopefully he will just calm down and not even get to that point. I just hope that he comes home. I just hope and pray.

Please God bring my husband home. Please God.

salaam

As Salaam Alaikum,

I am just going to try to cut all ties with him and get him out of my life. I can’t stand the pain of not being with him but what else cna I do really? What else?

It hurts so bad and it makes me feel so sad. It’s the worst thing ever. i love him so much and this break up is horrible.

I wish that he knew that I was not asking him to change the essence of his being. All that i was asking for was him to just give me a little bit more excitement. That’s all. But unfortuanntly that was too much for him.

There is nothign else that I can do.

I gotta’ move on now. Yesterday I bought new comforters and sheets, so hopefully that will help me… but it is just lonely without him in the bedroom with me.

Compleltly lonely.

As SAlaam Alaikum,

He called me at 2:22 in the morning and I spoke to him. Just when I thought that I was making some sort of progress he once again shut and down and told me how he didn’t want to try. His reason? He just didn’t want to. This hurts so much because I really would like to be with him.

I sit there and try to explain and he hangs up on me. I call a few more times but he does not answer and just forwards me to his mailbox. I text him telling him that I am not angry, that I love him still, and talk about prayer.

I am trying to avoid getting angry at him right now. Much of me realizes that I do need to move on but I am not going to be divorced until Feb. 3 Islamically so it’s like, why waste all of those months not trying to make it work? And who knows when he will ever file the divorce papers? This again, just hurts and makes me feel horrible inside. It is the worst feeling that I feel.

I just need a reason why he does not want to be with me, besides he just doesn’t want to. I need to know why he believes that we are no longer compatable when I make efforts to compromise, etc. I need to know these things in order to move on with my life. I need a proper closure, not just some “it’s over because I don’t want to work it out” excuse. No, tell me. Please tell me husband!

Tomorrow we are suppose to meet up to talk about bills… but I don’t know if that will even happen now. I guess tomorrow will be my last attempt to try to get him back, and then I will quit for a while.

Please everyone pray for me.

As Salaam Alaikum,

It’s 12:07 a.m. and he still has not called me. I am in tears. I hope that maybe something just got in the way and he will call me still, no matter how late it may be.

I don’t want to jump the gun, but much of me feels foolish.